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Posted by Brance on April 17th, 2005 filed in Relationships

Part 6 of the series “Relationships, God’s Way”

Last week we looked at our relationship with our siblings. During that discussion we read a verse in Proverbs that talked about a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I also mentioned the old saying, “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your relatives.” Today we’ll be talking about that choice of who to be friends with.

First let’s define “friend” or “friendship”. A friend is someone who cares about you, respects you, enjoys your company, and wants the best for you. Abigail Adams in a letter to her husband said that she could not think of a name more appropriate than friend by which to call him. Her husband, and she thought it high praise to call him her friend!

But there are different degrees of friendship. For the Christian I would purpose that there are three levels of friendship.

Level One is our association with non-believers. This really shouldn’t even be a friendship as we just defined it. Jesus associated with non-believers, or sinners, but only with the goal of bringing them to a knowledge of him. That should be our example. Next week we’ll discuss this idea further, but for now let’s see what scripture has to say on the matter.

Prov. 12.26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

The Hebrew word that is translated here “is cautious” can literally mean “to spy out; to examine,”. Meaning that a righteous man carefully examines his friendships. By contrast the rest of the verse tells us that the wicked man is lead astray by his own way, or his choices.

2Cor. 6.14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” 17 “Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” 18 “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

2Cor. 7.1 Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

Because of the close association you have with your friends, they have a great deal of influence on you. You should surround yourself with the type of people whom you would like to become like. Have you ever noticed that if you spend enough time with another person, you will start to sound alike? You will start to have the same accent, use the same words and expressions, even the same hand gestures. In the same way, if you hang out with angry people you’re going to become an angry person. If you hang out with people who use foul language, you’re going to use foul language. But if your friends are on fire for the Lord, that will rub off on you as well. God calls us to be separate from the world. That is what ‘holy’ means. We have to live in the world, but be separate from it. We need to choose to spend our time with other Christians.

Level Two is our general friendship and fellowship with other Christians.

Heb. 10.24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Here, we are told the reason for friendship with other Christians. We are to encourage each other ‘toward love and good deeds’.

Acts 2.40 With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” 41 Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day.

Acts 2.42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

Peter warned people about the world and the generation they lived in. Immediately after their salvation they ‘devoted’ themselves to studying the teaching of the apostles and to fellowship with other Christians.

We have this type of fellowship with other believers in the local church, and in the larger body of Christ. Paul gives us some rules of conduct for our fellowship.

Eph. 4.29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Remember last week when we talked about how hard it is to heal a relationship with a brother who has been offended? Let’s keep that idea in mind, along with the verses we just read in Eph. while we take a look at a clip from the movie “Shrek”. Toward the end of the movie is a scene where Shrek and Donkey meet up again after their falling out - Donkey is starting to build a wall to divide the swamp. They argue, and Shrek asks why Donkey came back. Donkey replies, ‘That’s what friends do - they forgive each other.’ When Shrek discovers Donkey has information about the Princess, he says sorry, but is insincere. He then realizes that he needs to apologize truly, and admit he really is a ’stupid, smelly Ogre’ - and the friendship is restored.

This clip shows how important forgiveness and saying “sorry” is in a relationship. This is what Paul told us to do in Eph.

Level Three is what I would call a close friend, or the friend that “loves at all times” and “sticks closer than a brother”. This is a ‘best friend’. This is someone who shares that bond of friendship so closely with you that they would do anything for you, even give their own life.

John 15.13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Eccl. 4.9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

We looked at this passage last week as well. This passage lists benefits of friendship, but taken together with 2Cor. 6.14, how can you work together for anything good if you don’t agree about what good is? None of these benefits will reach their true potential with a non-Christian friend.

Jesus shared this close bond with several of the disciples, John in particular. John always refers to himself as the disciple Jesus loved.

John 19.26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,”

Jesus had such a close relationship with John that he said John was to care for his own mother after his death.

But John was not the only disciple that Jesus shared a close friendship with, he was just the closest. Peter, James, and John all three were part of Jesus’ circle of best friends.

Luke 9.28 About eight days after he had said this, Jesus took Peter, John, and James with him and went up a mountain to pray. 29 While Jesus was praying, the appearance of his face changed, and his clothes became dazzling white. 30 Suddenly, both Moses and Elijah were talking with him. 31 They appeared in heavenly glory and were discussing Jesus’ approaching death and what he was about to fulfill in Jerusalem.

Mark 5.37 Jesus allowed no one to go with him except Peter and the two brothers James and John.

Mark 14.32 Then they came to a place called Gethsemane. He said to his disciples, “Stay here while I pray.”

Mark 14.33 He took Peter, James, and John with him and began to feel distressed and anguished. 34 He said to them, “My anguish is so great that I feel as if I’m dying. Wait here, and stay awake.”

These verses show Jesus keeping his three closest friends around him. They got to see him as no one else did. He depended on them to help him, encourage him, and pray with him during his moments of greatest need. They were human and sometimes failed, but Jesus still forgave them and trusted them.

Gal. 2.9 James, Peter and John, those reputed to be pillars, gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship when they recognized the grace given to me. They agreed that we should go to the Gentiles, and they to the Jews.

Even Paul referred to them as pillars. They were the friends Jesus leaned on for strength. If Jesus needed friends like that, how much more do we? I encourage you to develop this kind of relationship with a Christian friend or two. With at least two friends and God, you have a “cord of three strands” that is so strong it will support you for a lifetime.