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My Brother’s Keeper

Posted by Brance on April 10th, 2005 filed in Relationships

Part 5 of the series "Relationships, God’s Way"

Today we continue our study of relationships by looking at our relationships with our siblings. Like all things in life, God has a plan for our relationships and the devil delights in polluting whatever God has intended for good. In this lesson we’ll see what God intends our sibling relationships to look like, and we’ll take a look at the ways Satan attempts to interfere with them.

Do you realize that God uses our relationship with our siblings as the standard by which to measure our friendships?

Prov. 18.24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

This verse is saying that yes, you can have a friend who is closer than a brother, but it’s rare. Next week we’ll be looking at friendships and we’ll discuss what kind of a friend this would have to be. But for this week notice that God expects that the relationship of brothers would be close, so close that it’s hard to find anything closer.

You’ve probably heard the saying, "You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your relatives!" How true that is. But you know what, that’s a good thing! It means that God chooses our relatives for us. I’m sure he can do a better job than we would.

Prov. 17.17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

I believe the first part of this verse is talking about the same kind of friend we just read about in Prov 18.24. What kind of friend would love at ALL times? Do you realize how hard that would be? But look at the next part: "a brother is born for adversity." Born for it. That’s why God made brothers. — Understand that in this kind of context, the Bible uses the word ‘brother’ in a generic way that means ‘brother or sister’. That’s a whole other study but I wanted to make sure you understand that. — So just what is meant by the statement that "a brother is born for adversity."? Does it mean that siblings are made to cause adversity? No, it means that siblings are supposed to stand and face adversity together.

Adversity simply means:

affliction, distress, misery, disaster, trouble, suffering, trial

God says that we are supposed to be there to help our siblings through such times. It takes a strong relationship to be there for someone who is going through those things. It also takes an intimate relationship. You have to know the person well enough to recognize what they are going through and why.

Eccl. 4.9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

These verses show us some of the benefits of having someone that close to us. We can accomplish more, help each other, provide for each other, and defend one another. Yet often, it seems all we do is fight. Why do you suppose we are so quick to become angry with our relatives? Often we have less patience with them than we do our friends. If you remember from lesson one of this series we said a relationship was:

a connection, association, or involvement
a connection between persons by blood or marriage: kinship
an emotional or other connection between people

Since our family relationships are closer and more emotionally involved than most of our other relationships, our emotions, good and bad, tend to be closer to the surface. Remember at ATF they talked about how we all wear masks around other people? The mask comes off at home. If you want to see what kind of person you really are, look at how you treat your family. God intended the family to be a supportive unit of people who can depend on one another in rough times. Satan will try to create strife and distance between family members so that the relationship will not be in a state to offer comfort and help during adversity. Listen to this passage from Proverbs.

Prov 6.16 There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 19 a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

God hates and detests dissension (strife, discord, quarreling) among siblings. Look how difficult it is to repair the relationship when it has been damaged by anger and quarreling.

Prov. 18.19 An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

In ‘The Return Of The King’ there was a great battle at the city of Minas Tirith in the land of Gondor. The city was fortified by a surrounding wall of stone. There was an overwhelming force attempting to overrun the city, but a relatively small group of defenders were able to hold off the attack for an extended period because of the city’s fortifications. In the same way, once a wall has gone up between two siblings because of an offense, it is harder to breach that wall than to breach the wall at Minas Tirith. Once inside the city itself, the attackers were faced with seven tiers, or levels, each one guarded by a wall and gate. At the very top was the Citadel of the Kings of Gondor. The citadel was a fortress inside a 7 tiered, fortified city. It was the command center of the city and fortifications, and intended as a final point of defense. This verse tells us that disputes between siblings are more difficult to overcome than the gates of that citadel. That’s pretty powerful imagery. That is what Satan wants your relationships with your siblings to look like, each one sealed up emotionally behind defensive walls.

What are some of the main things that spark fights and quarrels among siblings?

Gen. 37.2 This is the account of Jacob.

Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.

Gen. 37.3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. 4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

Gen. 37.5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. 6 He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: 7 We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.”

Gen. 37.8 His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

Later in the chapter Joseph is sent to check on his brothers and we read this in verse 18.

Gen. 37.18 But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.

That’s a lot of ‘bad blood’ as the saying goes. What brought it on?

parental favoritism
jealousy
anger
pride

Now, we know the end of the story, and God was able to use it for good. But this is the work of satan, perverting something God created. The real question that needs answered is: How can we avoid these things in our relationships?

John 7.1 After this, Jesus went around in Galilee, purposely staying away from Judea because the Jews there were waiting to take his life. 2 But when the Jewish Feast of Tabernacles was near, 3 Jesus’ brothers said to him, “You ought to leave here and go to Judea, so that your disciples may see the miracles you do. 4 No one who wants to become a public figure acts in secret. Since you are doing these things, show yourself to the world.” 5 For even his own brothers did not believe in him.

John 7.6 Therefore Jesus told them, “The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right. 7 The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that what it does is evil. 8 You go to the Feast. I am not yet going up to this Feast, because for me the right time has not yet come.” 9 Having said this, he stayed in Galilee.

Here we see a rare example of Jesus himself interacting with his siblings. They were trying to push him to do something. They had their motive, they "did not believe in him." They were trying to discredit him, and maybe even harm him. They knew he would be in danger if he went, and they tried to pressure him into it anyway. Did he respond with anger? Did he rebuke them for the harm they intended him? Did he ‘lord it over them’ the way Joseph did his brothers? No, he followed another Proverb.

Prov. 15.1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Jesus did not stir up his own anger, or theirs. He listened to them and gave them a reasonable answer. Consider this wisdom from James. He was one of Jesus’ brothers and probably involved in this incident. In all likelihood, he learned this from Jesus’ example.

James 1.19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

We can apply this ourselves. The next time an argument starts between you and a sibling, listen to them carefully to learn where they are coming from and what they want from the situation. Carefully think over your answer. Don’t become angry and argue with them. Be slow to speak and give a loving answer that can turn away their anger. Follow Christ’s example. In doing so you’ll strengthen the relationship into something that is stronger than you would be alone.